Impatience kills opportunity – there is beauty in the waiting

I have been pondering this for weeks. Have been to busy to put my head, heart and hands to writing. Finally this subject came back to my mind, and as I straighten my pillow I think of what I will be writing about. The good and bad thing about the creative mind of an artist is that you see the whole picture in your head- but how do you get there? How can I put the words on paper that form this vision, readily shaped in my head?

There’s a point to all this- I must say. So I hope you will take time to read the ponderings of a 22 year old. The aim of this blog is not to tell you what you already know, but to just give a little insight in my world of ideas, dreams and passions. The biggest passion of all, far surpassing the others, is knowing and following this character called Jesus Christ. The thing He has been teaching me the most in the past months is a lesson I don’t really like learning, and it definitely doesn’t come easy. It’s a lesson He seems to teach me over and over again. The lesson of waiting, and being thankful and patient with that.

I just started Googling- there’s so many statistics on waiting. Do we actually know how much time in our lives is spent waiting? When I look at God’s Word, I see there are so many times of waiting, whether it’s about the patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac or Jacob, up to Acts, the disciples in the upper room; even up to us- waiting for the return of our Savior, Friend and King, Jesus Himself.

Waiting in line, waiting for the bus, waiting for things in our lives to change, waiting and searching for happiness, waiting for things to get better.. There is so many categories of waiting. What I mainly think of in all this, is that we are in a state of mind trying to reach something that we have to wait for. Something that will eventually reach us. Something we can’t get ahold of yet. I cannot move my bus any faster, I can try to get mad at the woman at the grocery store counter that is making me wait because she is being slow. I cannot force happiness to come into my life, nor can I force God to move in my life. As much as I want to.

Have we ever though about why God makes us wait? Have we ever considered the fact there might be something good in waiting? Something that IS actually within our reach, even though it doesn’t seem that way? What does the Bible say about waiting? And why do we seem to hate waiting so much?

That last question, I can answer for myself. We, as humans, want to control all our lives, we want things to go our way or in a way for the wellness of others. But primarily we want things, and we want to make it happen. I think there’s a great lesson hidden in that last sentence. We want to make it happen. We are the impatient ones.

Our urge as human beings is to want things now. But when I look at Gods Kingdom, He always seems to think the opposite way. So.. What if- hold this thought – in the times of waiting, there is a greater joy, a richness of knowing Him, a process working up to a climax of finally grasping this thing we are trying to get ahold of? What if these waiting times (since they take up so much time in our life) are more important than we give them credit for? What if there is a mystery to be discovered in waiting?

In 1 Samuel, Saul acts foolishly and brings burnt offerings before the Lord before the appointed time. Samuel the prophet responds with a true warning- because of Saul’s impatience he had missed out on blessings that God had wanted to give him. Because of the new covenant through the blood and resurrection of Jesus Christ we may always come before the throne of grace. The condemnation is gone for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1), so waiting isn’t something that leads to punishment. But, what if God uses waiting not to prove His point, but to shape our lives and character? And what if waiting, with that, makes us realize there’s so much more blessing and beauty in life that we keep on overlooking, since we are so busy looking to far ahead- to a point we have not reached yet?

There is this revelation God has been giving me in the past weeks, and it keeps coming back. I know in my life, I used to be so impatient. I’d be wrestling with the thought, even sad and mad at the situation, even desperate at times, so incredibly fed up with the waiting. God would usually just be quiet until I was done with my rambling, until I got all those thoughts out of my head, leaving space to come back to sanity. As soon as I gave up, He’d be ready to recieve me again, and help me to learn this lesson of waiting. Just like all the great men and women in the Bible. They all had a time of waiting, to grow, prepare and get ready. This is what leads up to what the Lord showed me.

I was thinking of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit- probably the most life-changing event in the lives of many people (first place is of course Jesus being resurrected!). Jesus had just died, had been resurrected, and showed Himself to them, to disappear again and to not come back for an unknown time. I believe things went really fast for them, and I believe that the disciples were not even able to grasp any of it, until they had seen His arms and feet.

In Luke 24 it says this (Amplified Version):

44 Then He said to them, This is what I told you while I was still with you: everything which is written concerning Me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled.

45 Then He [thoroughly] opened up their minds to understand the Scriptures,

46 And said to them, Thus it is written that the Christ (the Messiah) should suffer and on the third day rise from ([l] among) the dead,

47 And that repentance [with a view to and as the condition of] forgiveness of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.

48 You are witnesses of these things.

49 And behold, I will send forth upon you what My Father has promised; but remain in the city [Jerusalem] until you are clothed with power from on high.

50 Then He conducted them out as far as Bethany, and, lifting up His hands, He invoked a blessing on them.

51 And it occurred that while He was blessing them, He parted from them and was taken up into heaven.

52 And they, worshiping Him, went back to Jerusalem with great joy;

53 And they were continually in the temple celebrating with praises and blessingand extolling God. Amen (so be it).

Jesus says in verse 49: See, I will send in and unto you what God has promised! Remain in the city- WAIT until you are clothed with power from on high. We all know that that power was the Holy Spirit. In Matthew 28, Jesus even says: “I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age. Amen (so let it be).” (AMP)

I think, this must have been an interesting time. After He rose for the dead, Jesus spent 40 days teaching and preaching to His disciples, making them familiar with the principles of the kingdom. As it says in Acts 2:

To them also He showed Himself alive after His passion (His suffering in the garden and on the cross) by [a series of] many convincing demonstrations [unquestionable evidences and infallible proofs], appearing to them during forty days and talking [to them] about the things of the kingdom of God.

And while being in their company and eating with them, He commanded them not to leave Jerusalem but to wait for what the Father had promised, Of which [He said] you have heard Me speak.

For John baptized with water, but not many days from now you shall be baptized with (placed in, introduced into) the Holy Spirit.

So when they were assembled, they asked Him, Lord, is this the time when You will reestablish the kingdom and restore it to Israel?

He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know[b]what time brings [the things and events of time and their definite periods] or fixed [c]years and seasons (their critical niche in time), which the Father has appointed (fixed and reserved) by His own choice andauthority and personal power.

But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends (the very bounds) of the earth.

After saying all these things, Jesus ascended into heaven. I can so imagine how weird this must have been, honestly. For one moment, they were sky high happy and joyful, but I can also imagine how they came home and the thought sunk in that Jesus had left, not to come back for as far as they knew. Jesus commanded them to wait on the baptism in the Holy Spirit, but these words must have been a mystery to them, had it not that He had opened up their minds to understand Scripture and His teachings (Luke 24:45). They understood, but I can imagine how sometimes their hearts could have been even mourning His ‘loss’.

For ten days, the disciples and the women, and other attendees- containing even the brothers of Jesus, went into the upper room for ten days. It says in Acts 1: 14 “All of these with their minds in full agreement devoted themselves steadfastly to prayer, [waiting together] with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers.”

This must have been such a good time of community. I think it also gives us some insight in what they were doing. If I think about waiting, it is an active state of mind. It is a verb, not a noun. When I was pondering this in my time with the Lord, I just thought of waiting. What do I do (in the most positive sense) when I wait?

I found a quote a while ago. It made me aware of my heart’s state in AGAIN a process of waiting God has put me in: “Good things come to those who wait, even better things come to those who are patient.”

Waiting is not necessarily the same as being patient. I think the major difference is that waiting actually is a state of seeing things as it comes, even though it’s a verb, sitting still in the life of every day. Patience is where an individual has put actions in the state of mind, and has come to the conclusion that he or she is doing all possible, and awaiting the result of this state.

I feel like when God speaks about patience, He speaks about things like this:

Patience kills our ego. Learning patience makes us draw nearer to Him. Waiting makes us restless- we need to be in His rest, His patience. Waiting makes us sit still, patience makes us want to be ready for what is coming- prepare. A state in which there seems to be little movement makes us aware of our feelings, thoughts, and passions- which they most likely spoke about in the upper room. So this makes us talk about what we feel is going on. This really makes us depend on Him, He also reminds us of what He did in the past! He makes us aware something is coming- His promise. Patience makes us strive to recieve what is coming. This makes us want to recieve that promise in its fulness. It strengthens us, an active approach makes us durable and it makes that we keep standing. The promise in the end of the waiting time makes us rejoice- God never breaks a promise! Patience brings us to prayer, to seeking Him, reading His word, remembering His deeds, spending time conversing with Him, speaking and listening, it makes us vulnerable. It draws us closer to His heart.

And the awesome thing is, when in Acts 2 the revival came, because of this time of waiting, they were prepared, Their characters were shaped. They had sucked up all the Words of Jesus, worshipped Him with songs and hymns, cried on their knees to recieve the Holy Spirit. They had gotten to know Him better in all this, and they were ready to do His work.

I feel like thát is exactly what waiting is for. It teaches us so much. We think times of waiting are not functional since we don’t see results. But the biggest results are in our own hearts and relationship with God. Those lessons are necessary to be able to bear the responsibility of working in His Kingdom and doing what Jesus Himself did,

In my times of waiting, I have seen how hard it can be, how much we can struggle. My times of waiting also weren’t ten days, but I won’t compare;) God has His perfect timing- kairos. In life of today, chronos, we can be so caught up in the fact ‘nothing seems to happen’. But if we stretch out to Him, and to hearing from Him, He will start speaking-

He WILL speak.

He WILL promise.

He WILL be there every day.

His promise WILL be fulfilled.

And those times- those times are the greatest times of intimacy I have had with Jesus. I have come to love my times with God. It is hard, of course, but He is interested in all of me, even in my struggles. The fact I share with Him makes me get to know Him better.

And then, when I recieve the promise, I can see even more of His plan. Things sometimes become clearer, sometimes they don’t. But I am able to see a build-up leading up to a climax of recieving. But honestly I think the greatest high is actually the point where I surrender to Him fully, and get to a state of shalom, peace, of knowing and resting in Him. I think the climax is the point where we -again- learn the lesson. The point where we know Him deeper, and even if we have not seen Him, we can say ‘I have seen Him in this’.

There is so much beauty in the waiting. There is even blessing in the waiting. Yes it can be hard. But God is always good. He is always there. He will show Himself in ways you never thought He would or could.

That is what I have learned in waiting. I think there is the most to be learned in waiting. There is so much opportunity in waiting. Take those chances. Be patient.

Learn to be patient. Wait on Him. You will not be put to shame. You will be strengthened, filled. Cherish those times with Him. Get to know Him deeper.

He will provide. He will fulfill. He will satisfy. Always.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us…”

– Romans 5

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” 

– Isaiah 40:31

As you have therefore received Christ, [even] Jesus the Lord, [so] walk (regulate your lives and conduct yourselves) in union with and conformity to Him.

Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving.

 Colossians 2:6-7

16 May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].

17 May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,

18 That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];

19 [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

– Ephesians 3:16-19

More scripture on waiting here.


Alone but not lonely

Valentine’s Day. A day to celebrate love. I am pondering in my way home. I just had a conversation with my best friend about Valentine’s Day. He has been single for quite a while, contrary to me. I have had a relationship for a few years and last year I had a beginning one. It has been six years since I have really been alone on this day. For many years I have been so incredibly lonely. Nothing could really satisfy it. I was searching for something that could fill my void.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t really a ‘catch’ for anyone, I wasn’t ‘wanted’, I wasn’t sexy for the guys near me. I was a girl, a young woman, trying to find her identity. Trying to find a place of being loved, being needed and valued. When I was fifteen I had a bad relationship. It ruined me, it caused me to compromise so much of who I was. I had barely recovered from all the years of being neglected, experiencing real loneliness, hurt, gossip, slander, being cussed out and then left alone by everyone. I remember finally sensing something I thought was love, having someone want you. Sadly he wanted me in a bad way. With the little dignity and confidence I had I told him I quit.

Around half a year later I had met my now ex fiancé and we got together. We have been together for almost four years. I thought I found the true definition of love, and that I could place all my trust and identity in him. Every time we were apart I felt this sensation of something being violently ripped out of my stomach, and I again ended up feeling terribly lonely. It caused me so many nights of questions and tears. Praying to my Father in heaven, without even listening to Him. Filling my prayers with unbelief and even anger, fear of ending up alone. In September 2013 I went to bible school. For the first months I cried every morning during worship, not knowing how many tears I had bottled up inside. But believe me, it were many.

Even last year I wasn’t alone on Valentine’s. I had then just started ‘dating’ a guy that is still my best friend. I thought, I again had found love. But nothing was more wrong. During the school year I was taught so much about my identity in Christ. I started to experience so much more of God, His Spirit and His genuine and unrelenting love. I thought I had gotten there, that I was ready. I had read the books. I had the conversations, I had the tears and endless processes of getting through everything. After I started college last September I again got in a relationship with a guy. I did know somewhere in my heart, God wanted me for His own. I knew I needed more time. I had started a relationship prematurely before, and it was about to happen again. So I ran. I grabbed myself and I got out on time. I did end up hurting the guy, which I greatly regret. I was never meaning to, I just wasn’t ready.

It was one of the first times I chose me. Not in an egotistical way, but in a good way. Ever since November I have been growing with God. I have been again reading some books, and I talk to my friends about how I feel. I talk to Jesus about how much I love Him. I have started to really believe He’s always with me, whether I feel it or not. And I have found His love overtaking me over and over again. I am a worshipper, I love singing, being creative, and being expressive with singing and dancing. But most of all I want to be meek and moldable, in the center of His will.

I have found that life is what you make of it, and you decide how much you let Him in. He doesn’t force Himself, He gently whispers, He asks you to open your heart and offers to balsam your wounds and tear down your walls. For so many years, I hid behind masks and walls, I would be present but absent. I would sense but not feel, talk but not speak. And be lonely the entire time. In my process with God I have tried letting Him in. I had to give up and let myself out first. And the more I let Him in, the more I come out. The more I let Him in, the more He takes me over. The more I get to blossom. The less I have to hide. He makes my inside as (beautiful as) my outside. He holds my heart and gently touches it with His love.

Most of all I have noticed I am never alone. There is times when it gets really tough. There is times where I run and try to hide, until I can no more. Then I say: I am done fighting. Then He says: I was waiting for that. When I say: I can’t do this anymore, He tells me: then why don’t you just come to Me? Usually that is the point where I break. And I get back up. When I am alone at times, I happen to have created (and I am still developing) the habit of inviting the Holy Spirit, to invite Him. He always shows up, He never leaves me weary.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit shows up so heavily that I can’t even get to my homework. It’s when He says: Me first, then the rest. Those have been the times I usually was alone, and lonely. I would feel the urge to watch useless tv-shows or even be tempted (and sometimes fall) into sin. Even though I am still growing in all this, and I still fall, but I get back up. I hurt and make mistakes, but I receive His grace more abundantly every time. I try to involve Him in things, whether they are big or small. Funny thing is that about a month ago I found the ring again my dad gave me at christmas in 2009, when I wanted a ring to express my relationship with Jesus for the world around me. To symbolize the covenant I made with Him once and want to keep. To be pure and holy in His sight, and to pursue His heart every day of my life. That night at a youth meeting the speaker spoke about everything relating relationships and even sexuality. It was that day God called me back to His chambers and confirmed to me, as He has done lately, He wants me for His own.

And yesterday, while traveling (those are the best times for pondering about life and its complications, AND of course talk to my Beloved ;)) I realized: today for me, is happy Jesus day. I don’t have much to say to any guy, I don’t really have concrete feelings for a man. And honestly, I could not be happier. I have opened myself up to the One Who was for me long ago. I open up about my fears and feelings, He listens and fills me up with love every time I speak one word. He breathes life and love into me. He is my Man and my Maker. And the more I fail at relationships, the more He shows me He is the only one that can satisfy the endless hunger and longing in my soul. He soothes every ache I could ever feel, so much that the emptiness I once found and felt every time, disappears more and more. I won’t look for it, but I’d have to if I wanted to feel it.

My days are better. It doesn’t mean hurt or lingering never creeps around the corner. It doesn’t mean I never wish for a boyfriend or that I always like being single (nowadays most of the time), or that the past never comes back in my face. Don’t get me wrong here.. It means that I choose Him instead. I choose to be happy and look at tomorrow. Sometimes I start my day just talking to Him, He talks back to me, He shows me He’s present – and I get euphoric. I am alone, but not lonely. I am a hopeful romantic. I am a happy single that gets to go to college, travel, love and enjoy life, learn things, perform and worship in several places, that gets to enjoy her family and her church. And I know I won’t end up alone, He promised me that a long time ago.

I think about my future husband. I can’t be in love with anyone else than Jesus right now. I haven’t found back the capability to do that ever since I broke up with my ex fiancé, which is fine. I am fine right now. He holds me, and I love it.

I have met Love, I have met Him.

I saw this quote this morning: the day to celebrate love is the day to celebrate the One Who is love. He is love, and He wants you. He is relentlessly pursuing your heart and attention. He adores you, you’re His favorite.

All I can say is: pursue Him. It is worth every second and every effort.

I know, that one day I will marry. But for now, I am happy and alone. Alone but not lonely. Alone but satisfied and filled every day. Loved, valued, cherished, beautiful. He is worth it all.

“Won’t you come tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in,
Let love teach me who You are again” (Jenn Johnson)

God reminded me of a Cory Asbury song, ‘Where I belong’. It’s the song He captured me with a couple of years. It’s the song He brought back into my heart. 🙂 He is so kind and faithful. He is my Desire, He’s One. The Lover of my soul. My King.

Your presence is all I’m longing for
here in the secret place
Your nearness is all I’m waiting for
here in the quiet place, here in the secret place

The year is ending – what about Christmas?

My dear readers..

So many times have I opened this blog to start writing and end up with writers-block or in a rollercoaster of emotion which caused me to stop. So here I am, after a year of many hard lessons. Life is never easy. God is always faithful. I have lived through a lot of circumstances. Even now I have trouble writing, even though in the past months I have had so much inspiration. Things have been crazy busy with home life, school, my internship, music and worship, performing, mission trips, my job.. Now I finally am on break!

For the past 10 days I took on the challenge of not being on Facebook and spending more time with Jesus, writing songs, doing homework and taking up time to read my Bible and find time to write this blog. I also wanted to do something good (better than saying hi to the bus drivers I see) every one of the days. Guess when I started.. Two days before ending the challenge. Haha!

I was thinking of this time before Christmas. Jesus, presents, candles, christmas trees, mistletoes, Christmas stalls, hot coco, merriness, coziness, cold. The time of the year where the lights seem to be better visible, whether it’s the stars, candles, buildings or car lights. The december month where it’s cold, snowy (rainy in the Netherlands), where families get together but loneliness stings even more, where people try to do the extra good for others for the few weeks a year, where outside manners matter more and kindness is more visible, where everyone goes inside to sit in the warmth behind the curtains. And what do we do?

Honestly that kind of hit me last week. I was walking by the houses on my way home from a place I don’t remember (that is not the point). I was walking and I always adore looking at lights. Whether it’s the stars or lanterns; I also absolutely love city skylines. Sometimes I walk by houses and I try to take a ‘lil peek through the windows to see what’s going on. While walking I noticed a lot of blinds were closed. So many houses were keeping their light in, seperating their lives. Especially the Dutch love their privacy.

And then it hit me: how many times do we do this as Christians as well? They always speak about the Christmas Spirit, what spirit is that? Isn’t that the Holy Spirit in our hearts causing us to live and love like Jesus did? It made me think of me. How many times do I close my blinds for someone? How many times do I keep Jesus from the people I meet just because ‘I don’t feel like it’? How many times am I too tired to do something extra for someone, too tired to testify of what God is doing in my life?

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:14-16

I had to think of a quote of Francis of Assisi, who said “Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words.” I agree with this statement. Our livestyles should reflect Jesus. He walked, and He only spoke when necessary. Still people saw that He was so much different through His lifestyle. Christians we have to go the extra mile, shine a little brighter in a dark world. One little candle shines way brighter on its own than in the company of many other candles. Of course, it helps, but the effect is way smaller. I am trying to say: reach out to the unreached. As Christians, I believe we should get out of our church seats and be the effect this world needs. It all started with one man, and now it starts with us. Lights that stick together won’t make the effect any bigger. We should be connected, but we shouldn’t all be in one place.

Jesus made Himself of no reputation to serve in the world and die for my sins. After rising from the dead He put that same resurrection power in me (Romans 8:11), and in us, the Church, to do even greater things (John 14:12)! We can be so effective in such a broken world. My church has an evangelist that encourages all the church members to evangelize as well. He says: ‘there is billions of people in this world, and billions of ways to evangelize!’

So… what about that neighbor that is always on his own and too busy to mow his own lawn? Or the elderly lady that lives one street away that you can bake a pie for? Or a one-parent family with three kids, with a wife that lost her husband a year ago? Or the woman sitting across from you in the bus? Or the classmate that has a hard time?

Everyone can do something. There are no excuses.

If you see brokenness around you, mend it. If you see tears, make someone smile. If you see worry, reassure them. If they’re lost, tell them they’re found. If they’re homeless, give them shelter. If they’re feeling dark, shine your light.

Jesus is right there by your side.

Give – without expecting something back.

Bring – even more than you planned, all your talents, stories, gifts.

Share – a little more than you usually do, step out of your comfort zone.

Shine – the light that crept into your heart once, in the hearts of others.

It is so needed. This world needs Jesus. Let the world see Him through you.

I know it can be hard. Stepping over your own boundaries and out of your own comfort zone.. Honestly preaching to the choir here. I think this is my New Year’s resolution, most of all above the others.

I want to encourage you with another Bible verse out of Romans 8:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.”

I am wishing you the best for 2015, but first, Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you can share your love and life, shine your light and bring some warmth into the world around you.

This Child, this Jesus, changed the world 2000 years ago. And He rocked mine way later than that, many others with me. But the more, the merrier. Isn’t that a Christmas saying? 🙂

Have yourself a merry little Christmas and include as many others as possible!

Share your heart in your own way 🙂

It’s raining…

SO. It has been a while since I wrote and I just needed to get back on here.

I guess I have been walking around with tooooooo much stuff in my head and I haven’t had taken the time for myself to write it down. All I know is that I have gotten through it and that it’s been a time of so much thinking, dependence and lyric-writing, so I am hoping to get some good blogs and songs out of this.

I guess I can describe this time in my life a transition-period. I have turned 21 in february, finished my bible school year, had another job, still being single and getting to know my Lord and Savior, and love of my life, Jesus, better. I found out that turning into an adult takes time and space, and when I don’t get my space I start stretching and moving and kicking things around me, which is usually causing me to isolate myself and ‘kicking’ people in the sense of not letting them in and when they try to involve, get naggy and pissed off.

In my family it hasn’t been easy, my parents are having trouble and I have two sisters that are 16 and 19, which speaks for itself -youknowwhatimtalkingaboutright? For now I have been trying to stand on my own two feet, as long as you can do that as a young adult still living with her parents. I have been thinking much and often, trying to put a pattern into all the loose things I have in my head – brain matter consisting of dreams, hopes, feelings, memories, hurts, fears, faith….

I had to move back home. It caused me to lose one of my own special places where I could be by myself and be with my nice housemates and roommate. It made me move back a couple of hours travel so I can’t go to one of my favorite churches and can’t see some of the amazing people I met and befriended while living there. It made me realize that when this summer ends my mornings won’t be filled with worship, classmates and bible classes, amazing (guest) teachers, prayer meetings and church services. 

It meant coming back home to the home I left in a hurry past september, to dive into a deep and complicating experience that changed my life forever. I can’t really share much of it with my family, since they simply don’t understand. My older sister that actually gets it (because she did a bible school herself for a few years) moved out last week. So, I have to bury my new habits and experiences deep into my heart and life. Wanting to live up to my new standards while being with my family combined a few impossible things, so I decided I had to quit trying so hard and to just find my way back home, trying to fit the new into some old.

Finishing my school year made me think of many things, I decided to start on a bachelor in theology on college level in september – in the Netherlands an education that will lead you to being a pastor, missionary or christian counselor (therapist). I have already been through my month of doubting that choice again, having to remind myself that God paved down the road right down to the college ánd major I had to choose. Sometimes old fears try to kick in, fear of rejection, fear of man, fear of failure. But in Him and through Him I am more than a conquerer, and my dad delightfully reminded me of that when I put this in front of Him a few days ago.

If I want to break down strongholds of religion I need to know what goes on in that world. I will be doing a religious education on an ‘evangelical’ christian school, so that is going to ask a lot of me. I will meet many people with different opinions. I will (maybe) be raising a lot of eyebrows with just being me, with maybe even failing a test or two hopefully not more and having to share my ideas and opinions about my relationship with God. But it’s not by might, not by power, but by His Spirit. Unless He goes I go, and He showed me He will go, so I follow. And I am proud and not ashamed of the Person and things I believe in.

Thirdly.. I am 21 and single. Plus still a virgin. This is not something I like to throw on the table in your face but it’s something I am proud of and I want to keep it this way till marriage. But it’s hard: I get ridiculed or laughed at. Even by many of my bibleschool-classmates! And other than that – it’s been raining men! Many people have been showing interest in me. Most of my male best friends had feelings when we became friends or developed it through the friendship. So very complicated. Coming from a beautiful notarrogancejustknowledge woman, it might seem weird, but I have always been made fun of, I was never beautiful for people.

Instead I was the last picked ugly duckling at every gym class, the only one without a boyfriend in middle school. Blah blah blah. But now I have started to understand who I am, and honestly, I feel like I have reached a peak when it comes to my beauty and self-esteem. For long I have been trying to ‘please’ or I have been insecure, and I still am, at times, I think everybody is. But right now I feel okay, and I learn to get used to attention, and I discover so much about my feelings I now have got them pretty straight in my head. If you can get feelings straight, ever, but you know what I mean. Or am I not making sense? Through all this I also discovered the man I need ánd want, and I have been putting that in the hands of the Father as well. 

So.. I guess I would like to end this article with some tips I have come across. I will just be writing them down so they are not in a peticular order, just what comes to mind.

1. Give yourself time. Growing up to be an adult is hard – you sometimes need your time and space. We all have memories, hurts, experiences, fears.. deal with them before they become even bigger stumbling blocks. Which brings me to #2.

2. Give yourself room, and space. Room to grow and to be, the only boxes and limits you put are yours. Of course you have circumstances to deal with, but honestly, we tend to make things harder for ourselves than others do. Also give yourself space – to be with people and to be alone if you need to. Balance in this is important, too much of alone time actually makes you lonely and isolated, too much time with people leaves you worn out. Mostly: keep up your Jesus time!

3. Find your secret place. Get comfortable wherever you want. Find a spot where you can take time with your Father to have heart to heart conversations. Make your room comfortable, pick the best moment of your day to have the most special and devoted time.

4. Write things down. When your head really is the ball of wool comedians talk about…. Trust me, it helps. Also quotes, compliments, scriptures, keep them in sight! It keeps you inspired and spikes your creativity – share the results with your friends, and you’ll be surprised how much there is in common. 

5. Develop good/God routines. Get out of your bed in the morning, exercise, eat well, do things you need to do and balance them with things you love.

6. Treat yourself but keep it special. Don’t go off buying stuff in depressed moods, don’t binge eat when you feel like it. Keep control over your life as much as you can. But sometimes a girl needs a new bag or those awesome heels (me me me me!), and sometimes you would just love to snack unhealthy just because it tastes good. McDonalds – oopsdidIreallysaythat?

7. Sometimes you just need to cry. So do. Go to someone who has a shoulder to cry on. Don’t fake your smile, don’t wear any masks.

8. Be you. In the most Godly, natural and pure way you can. You in its finest form.

9. Guard your heart. Keep Him first. Even when it’s raining (wo)men, the only one that will catch your attention is the right one if you really keep Him first. He’s the only (wo)man you need until He says otherwise.

10. When you can’t, redevote your heart. Always come back to Him, even when you fail. Always know you’re welcome with Him any time. He is always loving and patient. 

Sometimes life drizzles, sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, sometimes it storms. But God is your umbrella, water and wind proof. He will always be your banner, your protection. So don’t fear! He’s there. Leave the hard work to Him and just keep walking.

PS. This entire blog was preaching to ‘self. As usual. I am not perfect, just holding on!

Empty Hands..

Posted somewhere else earlier on May 27th, 2014


There you are. Empty handed. A four-year-old girl. Young. Innocent. Little hands stretching out to that one person that is gone – suddenly.

It happens over.
And over.
And over.
And again.

Now is the seventh time.

From when I was four years old my mom has been in and out of a psychiatric facility. They say ‘manic depression’, or another name for it is ‘bipolar disorder’. Every time she miraculously came out.

We would hope she could get home and we would finally be happy. But then it happens again. And each time our family stands with empty hands. You lose your mother for months at a time. It’s sad each time, you mourn – you die.

I believe in God. I believe He heals. But sometimes it’s so hard to leave your baggage. So hard to empty the backpack, so hard to lay down the yoke on your back. No one just takes it from you, since they don’t know what they get themselves into.

You just don’t know what to do anymore. All you can do is trust God.


When I wanted to start this blog I wanted to tell my story. I wanted to share with you how I feel. What I have gone through. What I experience right now. It’s not because I want fame. I just want to write. And know I do it for a purpose next to having it on my computer.

So.. I lost inspiration. Most of it.

Here it is. My hands are empty. I know that when my hands are empty, I can fold them – He hears me. He catches every tear. He sees every struggle. He sees her. He sees my dad. He sees me, my two brothers, my three sisters. And He knows we will be okay in the end.

It is well – with me.

Posted somewhere else earlier on May 28th, 2014.


On days like this.. in trials.. in tears. When you don’t want to wake up and get out of bed. When your soul and body ache. When you feel like everything falls apart. When your heart breaks. When you see people suffer around you. Pain, frustration, tears, rage.. Hopelessness. Guilt. Shame. Feeling like nothing can change..

You hear Him say.. it is well. Through it all He is there. He is always watching. He is always faithful.

So many times in my life God has done miracles. Earlier this week He told me: “Remember my deeds.” Such a short sentence, but it says it all. He is everything. He is all we need. He is all you need. He is all I need. Everything I need is in Him. Everything I need IS Him.

He is I am. He was. He will always be. So many times you’re afraid, so many times you feel like crying. You feel hopeless. You don’t have faith.

He is there.

Through it all.

He holds my hand. He catches me when I fall. He dries my tears, He stills my pain.

There is always hope. There’s always a rainbow. There’s always beauty in the tears.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
   to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

— Isaiah 61:1-3

Such a promise. He is amazing. He always has good things planned for them who go through hard circumstances.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
   The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

   The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
   he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken

— Psalms 34:18-20

When there’s rain, there’s always a rainbow.

He doesn’t give us more than we can bear. We just shouldn’t try it on our own.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

— 1 Corinthians 10:13

He is there.
He is our way out.
He is all you need.

He is faithful and He will do it.

When I don’t know, He does.

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me.

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name.

When I don’t know He does. All I have to do is surrender. This situation, just like all the others, will glorify His Kingdom. It is such a testimony. And the miracle has happened. When we see it, it will be amazing. It will be awesome. It will be real. I can’t wait.

All in His time. He is there.


It is well with my soul.

Keep dreaming… The end of a chapter also starts a new one

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”

What’s next? After you’ve given up on everything, when life seems to take a turn for the worst. A new chapter, a blank page. Staring at the paper, the pen in the hands of the Maker. You, the person that helps Him, put the dots and commas in place. The finishing touches, the personal handwriting. He’s the one that steers the boat, you’re the one on deck enjoying its course.

This is all I’ve been thinking about. All I know is that God holds me. He holds my life, and everything in it. The people, the memories, the moments, every aspect.

I had so much fear attacking me at every moment of my day. Fear of ending up alone, fear of ‘the one’ walking by without noticing me, fear of being controlled, fear of having to control, fear to surrender, fear to fear, fear of men, fear of love, fear of trust, fear of the unknown.

But what if I really believe in that truth? That God is the creator of ALL THINGS? Of the everything on this earth, of me, and of my spouse, the creator of everything I’d possibly do in my life.

That is the point at which I know, I can start dreaming again. He will inspire me. He will help me dream. He will help me bury memories I do not wish to keep, to start over with that clean page. He will write it for me, and I will add the accents, personal touches. Sherlock and Watson. God is the lead, I will be His assistant, His tool, His vessel.


The page before me is empty. The chapter title is written in invisible ink, for me. He knows what He’s going to write, I get to discover it. I get to jump like a little kid, to put those dots and commas in place, the question- and exclamation marks.

The dreams I have had in the past, but buried, may come alive again. Everything I have given up to please people, may sprout again. It may grow in my heart. It will help with my healing process, it gives me enough to write about. It keeps me from writers block.


I get to dive in there, and I know that I will not get disappointed this time. I won’t keep twirling, I will jump and stretch out my body, craving, waiting for that split-second: my fingertips touching the edge of the water. To know that it’s time to dive in, to swim, to let the waterstream take me places, to get into that creek, coming down from the mountains, becoming the river, turning into a waterfall, that touches the edge of a cliff to sprout, to see me jump out, blossoming, pure enjoyment.

“Those who dream by day are cognizant (meaning: conscious) of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”
― Edgar Allen Poe

Something I became aware of in my situation, is the difference between two different verbs. One of them is ‘to give up’, the other is ‘to give in’*. On the web I felt like looking up if there was a difference. It was like God told me that I did not give up, but I gave in. I googled it and I found this**: To give up, means to ‘abandon’ or to ‘quit’. To give in, means that after putting in all your efforts, you decide to let the situation take its course, and you let it. You surrender to someone or something.
It is like ending an important task, and then turn it in, to start a new one. You turn in an assignment at school, and you continue making effort to go to class and learn, until you get your next.

God taught me this lesson, there is SUCH a big difference. I thought I was weak in ‘giving up’, but I did not give up. I gave IN.
This adds so much to the picture I just described, of the person diving IN the water.

This means, I have space. I have space to move, I have space for new things. For new tests, assignments, thoughts, and also dreams. I have space to turn, to speed up, to slow down, plenty of room to breathe when I try to find the surface.

My life is empty. God can give me new things.

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.”

― Gloria Steinem

“And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered.”

― The Notebook

When you sleep, everything is possible. But the trick is to keep dreaming while you’re awake. To keep looking forward, to live every day, but to also look ahead, not without a moment of pause to enjoy the things in front of you. Every day spent without a little daydreaming, makes you lose sight of the beautiful things.

Someone once told me, ‘Sometimes it feels like you’re in a train, going really fast. You’re in it, pacing back and forth, waiting for it to stop at the next station. But in all that waiting, you forget all the beautiful people around, you, the beautiful lives that you have in your reach to touch, the people to speak to, the children to play with, the seats to enjoy, the wonderful view outside.’

She was completely right. Sometimes I look forward too much. But, I know there is a perfect balance I hope to find somehow. And in all this, I am encouraging you,

DREAM, when you want it

SPEAK, when you feel like it

HOPE, and keep the candle lit

SEE, and enjoy all of it

Let God fill the voids that people leave behind. Let Him bind the wounds and take care of the scars. Let Him point out to you, the plans He has, the things He wants you to enjoy. Let Him be the lead, follow Him. His arms are safe, His eyes are warm.

In the Bible, it speaks about how God gives people dreams or ideas. Don’t worry about your dreams, whether they are right or not, Gods or yours. Because the beautiful thing is, our spirit is connected to Gods Holy Spirit because of our salvation. His Spirit will put thoughts and dreams in our minds, unthinkably big, and amazing. Don’t fear, embrace. It is very likely that your dreams are in sync with Gods dreams. Put them in front of Him and He will give you those that come from Him. He knows your heart, and all your desires. You get to know His desires through your relationship with him.

“We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him— these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.”
– 1st Corinthians 2 : 6 – 10

“In the last days, God says,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your young men will see visions,
    your old men will dream dreams.”
– Acts 2 : 17


(* = the Dutch words ‘give up’: opgeven, ‘give in’: inleveren)

(** =

Single? Or together? My views on ‘the one’..

It’s been awhile since I have posted here. I feel ashamed. I should write more often, about what I learn, about what goes on in my life. The last.. 9 months have been great, God has been good to me, even though things go different than I should. I have been taught a lot of life lessons, I turned 20, I am becoming an adult. I am trying to find my life calling, my place in this world, my neighborhood to serve.

In all this, I have found God. Many things have gone wrong, I ended up being single after a relationship of 3,5 years, including a 9 month engagement. So what is up next? Everyone recognizes the feeling, losing someone ‘you cannot replace’.. is it yours to replace?

One morning, you will wake up with the thought of a life mate, a partner, a best friend and lover, to spend the rest of your days with. But what is the essence of those thoughts? Wanting loyalty, consistency? But what if you end up with something and find out it is not all you wanted? That is the lesson God is teaching me. I am young, I am blossoming, and I crave some life company. Someone to worship and share with. Though, it’s not my life goal anymore.

I wanted kids, I wanted a husband, someone to tell me that I was beautiful. Even though in the first 1,5 years of my relationship I didn’t even believe that I was. You are with someone for a long time and you really want it to go well, you want to keep the feeling of being in love, you want to feel those butterflies every day. You want there to be ONLY ONE mate.

I tell you, there is not. The essence of all this, the point I am trying to make is this:

God is your only consistency. He is the only perfect species there ever was, is, and will be. He is the only one that does not disappoint, he is the only One that will always have your back, the One that carries you and protects you and provides for you. The Father, Lover, Friend.

When I got together with my boyfriend, it seemed to be all I wanted. He told me what I wanted to hear, he looks good, we shared things, we went on dates, I felt loved. We had a long-distance relationship so we saw each other a couple of weeks per year and we could only Skype once a week according to my parents, for it to not distract me.

So, what happened in all this, was, that we didn’t listen to Gods voice all the way we should have. We didn’t pray enough, we didn’t build each other up enough, we weren’t loyal enough, we didn’t sacrifice enough. And over all this, we thought we were ‘so in love’, even though we lost that on the way and we were horrified by having to make that transition through a separation of 5000 miles.

And yes, we both always thought about THE ONE, we both made a list of things we prayed for. We both prayed for our future spouses. But on the way, we lost Gods will. My fiance developed a different way than I did. He put me above God, himself above me. And then I didn’t get what I needed anymore. I didn’t get prayed for, encouraged, I didn’t get the cards and the presents and the dates.  I was the one having to initiate a lot of things, and our relationship became unequally yoked*. He was on a different spiritual level than I was. I have grown and developed myself, overcame my circumstances. Sadly, about a year ago he got caught up with his own feelings and he let himself get drowned into everything instead of being the overcoming soldier God asks us to be.

So.. what does God do when you are close to Him and you can’t fix things? He asks you to give it up to Him. To let Him take care of you, to let Him provide for you. If you can’t fix it, all you are going to do is make it worse. And if you’re not spiritually in the same wavelength with your boyfriend/fiance/spouse, he or she is not going to understand the things you are trying to say. (Again referring to *)

He didn’t understand a word of the things I was throwing in his face, when I took of my ring to want him to tell me to stay. He didn’t like it when I got frustrated and when I yelled. He hated seeing me cry. But he also didn’t know what to say or do, because he wasn’t as close to the Lord as he should have been. And I was trying to do it by myself.. And God had been saying, ‘Let Me take care of it for you’, but in all my tears, that was not what I wanted to hear.

A long distance relationship is so complicated. Nights of crying, missing, craving. A hole in your heart and your stomach. Wanting to be with thát person you can’t be with right now. So I just wanted things to stabilize, I went to where he lives to be around for 3 months. At first we initially planned this for wedding planning, but it ended up differently. I didn’t want to leave home because I had to confront him. I did notice the roller coaster we were in together, even though God was wanting to take me on a boat ride with Him as the captain. When I finally had my eyes opened, knowing that if we would stay together I would compromise, I still waited 1,5 month to finally tell him bye, and to finally break off the engagement and break up with him.

It was hard for me to do so. But on the other hand, the more I started thinking about it, the more my eyes had been opened. The more they had seen, the more red flags I saw in front of me. Before I left I told my parents, I said ‘it’s either all in or all out, because I can’t take this anymore..’ They were worried I wouldn’t be okay, they wanted to pick me up. And I said this in the beginning of June, right before I left. I was around my (ex-)fiance for around 3 months, till the end of August. They were so worried. But God took care of me.

I made the decision to break up a couple of times, each time it got clouded by the fact ‘he was improving’, because he tried to do all these things for me, and yes, he is nice. But also, I found out about a lot more issues that were disturbing to me, how he stopped communicating with me because he denied feelings he had, which made him lie (not saying something is lying too) and it made him close up. Because it is what he does, once he stops talking, he won’t be able to get it out. I had to literally pull the words out of his mouth, ask him questions many many times, and each time he could not give me a definite answer. When I arrived he didn’t even know he wanted to marry me. He wasn’t sure.

That crushed me. In all this after I arrived; I prayed, I fasted, I sought the Lord. And no, I am not perfect, I don’t read 20 chapters of the world or pray for ‘this-or-that’ long. No I don’t. I have a personal relationship with my Father. Great mothers and fathers, godly couples, showed me Gods truths and made my mind transparent with the word of God. Each time, I was preparing myself inside for a break-up, but I wanted to enjoy my time and I hate quitting halfway. And my (ex-)fiance was still in my face, so I could still not fully think.

So.. Every time I threw things in my (ex-)fiance’s face, he would cry and close up. Every time I put my concerns in front of the Lord, within two days conviction would have gotten him to the place where he would be honest with me and tell me what he was dealing with. It made me think, is there still hope? Even when he told me: ‘I feel like I have missed all my chances’, I was like, maybe it’s not too late. I was wrapping myself around him, instead of thinking for myself, I was desperately holding on to something that wasn’t there anymore. But God clearly spoke to me this one time: ‘You have had enough’. And STILL, I wanted to try to fix things.

Mainly because I felt like I was going against Gods will by saying no to continuing the relationship, not knowing I was making things worse. I thought that I had to be obedient and surrender to a wrong relationship, and nearly a marriage. But I didn’t know that a human’s free will can ruin a very godly plan. I didn’t know that you as a person have to be committed to the Lord first and then to each other, not fully. I thought we had to be committed to the Lord together, and I was, but he wasn’t, not fully. Spiritually I was far ahead than he was, struggling to take him with me even though he couldn’t come with me because he wasn’t ready.

God asked me to give it all back to Him. And I did. And honestly, I don’t cry all day, I have barely eaten any chocolate. Okay I hate happy relationship love songs, and I don’t really like the wedding stuff. But I don’t crash my bed till 2PM, I don’t cry myself to sleep at night.
I have a job, a family, and great friends that support me. That job came out of nowhere to have me get out of the house. And I did. I feel liberated, free of bondage, all because I don’t have anything to keep me from Gods will.

For now.. Gods will was for me to be free and single, but together with Him. For Him to be my friend and my life, to find out all the great plans He has for me and the journey I am going to walk on my own, for the first time in my life. It’s scary, but so exciting! I am going to grow and develop and make memories, I am going to laugh and cry, because I can.  I will dance and sing and write and make music, I will travel and cook and learn languages and cultures. I am going to enjoy people. God wants me to enjoy things.

I am going to blossom and make myself the best person I can be.  I will surrender and immerse myself in God and in His love and presence. I want to find His heart and His path. And then, one day, there will be a man that I will find walking the path with me. He will be next to me and ready, and He will love the Lord just as much (or more) than I do.

I don’t want a guy to like me physically, I want him to look at my heart. I want him to know I am not engaged even though I wear a ring, because God told him that and I didn’t. I want him to walk with me and share with me and give me just as much as I give him. Most of all I want him to love me and take care of me and lead me as a godly man, husband, and later, a father.

Because ‘the one’ is not the person you have so much in common with, spiritually you should be one, but I always thought that you had to be ‘the same’, in everything, and like everything the same (way). But I have noticed there is a richness in diversity, I have learned to enjoy men as friends, and I have learned to wait. I have learned to keep myself for the Lord in the 3,5 years I had my (ex-)fiance, even though I had an ‘official’ relationship.

My relationship started out very Godly. God spoke to me, my sister, my dad, his parents and him. We got together and we were happy, but also young, and pretty naive. Even though I still believe it was Gods will. Sometimes things don’t go according to Gods will. THAT, is because, HE, gave us free will. God is all-knowing, not all-controlling of our minds and hearts. He will ask us to do something, to sacrifice something, to give Him our heart, but He does not demand us to do so. We are His future Bride, He doesn’t want to be a controlling Husband, but He wants Him and me to have a romantic and mutually carried relationship.

The ONE, is the person that is just as much in sync with God as you are. I believe there is many people that you come across in life that will come close. But the person you marry has to be your best friend, but most of all Gods match. God is not going to control my own feelings, or my spirit. God doesn’t want to control, He wants me to give Him the lead. And I will. I want God to lead me to that person, I want to always be the best for God, and for my future mate and husband. I want him to take initiative, to tell me what the Lord spoke to him.

As I said.. there will be people that come close. But the ONE, will always be that person that is as close to God as you are. Because God will bring you together, just like that triangle. God in the top corner, me in the left corner and my future mate in the right corner. He and I will both move to God equally, and we will meet somewhere on top. I won’t take it any other way.

I am content. Because I am not single. That person is out there for me. But that is not even what I mean. Right now I am engaged to Jesus, and honestly, He is the best man I could ever be engaged to. For the rest of the time I hold on to the fact God promised me a mate. I will be dreaming, making a new list, I will write him letters and I will be praying for him. But he will never take Gods place. For now God is my everything, and I want to spend as much time with Him as I possibly can.

I hope this has encouraged you, for further questions, you can always comment or send an email to



* (unequally yoked doesn’t necessarily mean unbeliever, it means that one person carries more of the mental and spiritual load, which means, that starting a relationship with an unbeliever is a very destructive thing for you and for your relationship with your Savior — as said in 2nd Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?“)

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will, 
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill, 
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 
When care is pressing you down a bit, 
Rest, if you must, but don’t quit. 
Life is queer with its twists and turns, 
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out, 
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out, 
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far, 
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.
For all the sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: “It might have been!”

By John Greenleaf Whittier (one of the founders of the Republican Party)

I know many of you might know this poem already, I just think it is a good daily reminder. Hope you all will have a blessed day!